If you give a mom a blog, she will overthink it (or maybe that's just me). But the more I blog, the more I'm learning about what I want this space to become.
The truth is, I haven't told anyone about this blog. The problem with me and any project that I start is that after I take the first step, the step that's way up there beyond my reach suddenly seems so appealing. Give me a potted succulent and I will start Googling propagation. Give me an oven and I'll want to make a layer cake.
It's the reason it took me so long to get this blog started in the first place. After I quit blogging after college (on Blogger, when it was still Blogger—I even had the t-shirt), I tried to start a new blog at least six times, always stopping after the first entry, always stuck in draft mode. On my computer, I've started so many blog folders that the one I'm working with right now is called "Blog Again—Really." Whatever I did just never seemed good enough. Nothing I did was ever at par with all the shiny, pretty blogs out there. Of course, I knew it had taken them years of practice and polishing to get that way, but try telling that to this perfectionist.
And if that's how much I second-guess my blog and myself as a blogger , you can probably guess how harshly I judge myself as a mom.
There are a lot of amazing moms in the blogosphere who can do it all: teach homeschool while running their own business or creative endeavor while wearing the trendiest, figure-flattering clothes while staying slim even though they cook the most delicious dishes, all while remaining charmingly humble and relatable. How I wish that were me, but I'm finally (almost) making my peace with the fact that that's not who I am.
For one thing, I can't cook. I can't tell you how to get fit after baby or how to look stylish in a nursing top. I don't know how to choose the right lipstick for you skin tone. And I can't even fake wanting to learn.
The thing is, I shouldn't have to.
It's time to let go. It's exhausting just thinking about trying to keep up with the moms with the budget, the body, the blog experience, and the business savvy needed to be that mom. More power to them; I'll enjoy watching their lives blossom and their children grow from the comfort of my unmade bed (and the discomfort of the monoblock chair I crop out of every home office photo). As for my blog, my life, I can only bring to the table what I have:
Words. Ideas. A love for learning. The courage to make mistakes and admit them. And the two cutest multicultural kids east of Manila.
So here's what you'll be seeing more of moving forward:
- Playtime and playschool ideas (and war stories)
- Products, places, books, and other things we love
- Creativity prompts for the busy and sleep-deprived
- Nap time projects and printables
- Words to live by
- Shared knowledge (I will always, always be learning something new!)
- Stories from my life as a mom of a toddler/preschooler and an infant
The craft projects and artwork won't always be pretty The reflections won't always be positive or have a happy ending. The mom you see won't always have her hair brushed or her act together. I think I'll be okay with that. I hope you will be, too.
Maybe you're a mom like me: a reforming perfectionist trying to embrace and engage with the messiness of life. If you are, say hi, stick around, and grow with me! It's going to be an interesting journey!
